Working nine to five ....part 1

I must admit during my early years of work i found it hard to concentrate on anything but my freedom, i managed to find a job at a solicitors firm and became an office Junior. My tasks were simple filing and photocopying and when i was extra good (which was not often) i would man the reception desk. I had my own office in the basement which to be fair was more of a storage room, but i was happy enough. I was sacked three times from this firm.

My first sackable offence came quite early in my contract, i (along with many other trates) love to play practical jokes. Most people working there were far too stuffy to enjoy my pranks but i did find a comrade in arms in the form of the bosses secretary on the fourth floor. Her office was situated next to the moody accountants. We shall call the secretary Jane and the accountant Dave because that was their names.

The accountant was very moody as i said but the reason was his terrible piles never let up, being in pain every time he sat his poor bottom down on his pillow. One fateful day i decided that the only way to cheer him up was to make him laugh! I started my plan by sneaking into his office and changing his screen saver to I Love Boobs instead of his fish he had on there. After that i rang the local radio station and pretended to be the Maggie (the oldest Secretary in the world) who worked in our office. I decided to pretend they were in love and have the DJ play 'two become one' by the Spice girls. Jane and i giggled about this for an hour before we got bored and i went on to put cling film over the lads toilets.

I then had a brainwave i would record myself making ghostly sounds on the Dictaphone machine and hide the tape player in my bosses room, i left a gap of about ten minutes before the sounds kicked in so it would not look suspicious as i walked out the room. I then made a few coffees and did a tiny bit of filing before i got bored and decided to play the tape in my bosses room.

I walked in there, he looked stressed as usual with sweat dripping down his face being caught by his massive eyebrows. I did some letter opening and left kicking the switch on the tape player as i went. I sat in reception and waited, and waited. After a while i was starting to worry it hadn't worked, i needn't have worried. The boss came flying out of that office like a bat out of hell, hollering that he couldn't get the voices out his head. he looked white as a sheet as we all inspected the room and found no noise (the tape had ran out). He popped some pills and decided to take a walk, before he could reach the second step the accountant pushed past him looking the opposite in colour - bright red.

He made a bee line for me and i knew i was in trouble, by now the office had grown quite an audience with all the secretary's i had harassed over my two months employment. The accountant could barely get his words out but i just kept looking at the wet patch on his trousers, then i remembered the 'splash back' gag i had done earlier and smiled. He shouted something about how his wife always listened to merica FM whilst ironing and had heard that he was having an affair with Maggie! To be honest I'm not sure if he was more worried about his wife leaving or the fact that i had changed his screen saver.

By this point the accountant was calling for my head, and the boss agreed that i should be fired. Mainly because that creep Maggie had found my tape recorder! I continued for two weeks to sneak into my office in the basement, leaving late and starting early so no one saw me. They must have thought the photocopying was being done by elves. The boss agreed to have me back if my jokes would stop, i agreed. I lasted a full week before i got myself sacked for the second time x