Flashback - first party

I was always one of the kids at school who refused to go into a group, whether that was because they wouldn't have me or i refused to join i cannot remember. This i know, i would flit between geeks and cool kids i was every ones friend. Though getting an invite to a cool party alluded me as i was still friends with geeks. Even so one fateful day i held the holy grail in my spotty teenage hand (i had issues) an invite to a cool party !

I asked my mother and father if i could go and to my HORROR they said yes! well i almost wet my pants on the spot. So i knew my mum and dad would never let me drink alcohol at 15, to me because they were evil but now realise they were good parents. Anyway i knew i had to drink (peer pressure) so i had a brainwave - for future posts always expect something bad when this happens - i would gather together all my parents left over drink in a flask then drink it on the night!

Ok my fool proof plan or flask consisted of -
Babysham - yes that 80's classic!
red/white wine
baileys
vodka

So after 3 weeks of collecting the entrails of their drinks or stealing some as they nipped to the loo during Jurassic park i had collected a gut wrenching amount of alcohol. so the day of the party came and as everyone spoke about what they were drinking - white cider - 20/20 or some other naughty sludge i consoled myself with the fermenting liquid in my wardrobe.

The night came and i could not be happier, tonight i would be hob nobbing with the cool gang. I got ready and downed the evil bubbling liquid, it tasted like sick but what did i know? wasn't it supposed to taste like that? my mum and dad escorted me to the party (kill me) but i strolled in with a swagger of a much older persona, one that had drank the liquor cabinet!

I was dancing, i felt alive and free though not drunk my tummy was doing somersaults i put this down to the nerves. Though after i couldn't hold my farts any longer i realised i was in trouble, my body was going to EXPLODE if i didn't get to a toilet soon. I ran, ran like never before into the ladies but god everyone was kissing i could not go in here! I ran to the pub down the road, three friends joined (damn) i got to the toilet just in time.

As i sat there my bottom became one with the toilet, the smell was beyond human. My friends took cover trying to find a clean bit of air on the floor like a fire drill. there was no escape as they crawled to safety, i opened the window in the five second break my tummy gave me to find ten drunk lads on the other side having a fag. Their faces went green as they were slapped in the face by my smell.

A full hour and my body gave up, sweating and embarrassed i left the loos. My friends had vanished i could not blame them they feared their lives. I walked through the pub with my head held high to the applause which awaited me. I do not know how long it took to rid those toilets of the smell, perhaps the same amount of time it took to rid me of the name shitty pants but i learnt a lesson that night never ever ever drink out of a flask x